Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
