That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Randomize
