I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize