One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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