You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
