Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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