I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
