get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
