my vag is so smooth its legendary
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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