I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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