I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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