I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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