You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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