I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
