I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
