My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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