And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
