can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
