I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
birth control should be required to get into college
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
