Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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