hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
