I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
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