stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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