new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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