and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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