Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize