He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
