This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
