We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I am mentally ready for anal.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
