We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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