it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
