So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
