in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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