i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You've changed since you got that strap on
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
