Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
