Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
