And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
