you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
