You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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