i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
