Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
