I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
