You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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