Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
two words...techno handjob
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
