so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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