the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
