By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
