my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You ate ashes out of my bong
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize