i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
