We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
