How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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