Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
