Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
