I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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