I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
