i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
