I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
whose parrot is this?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
