champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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