Just mADE A PArabola og urine
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
