I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize