All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
