This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
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