girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
