there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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