Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
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